Weighing in on new China child adoption rules

The new China child adoption rules have sent the international adoption community in a tailspin.

There is some speculation as to why these China child adoption rules were changed.

What is known for certain is that China, the number one source of international adoptions, plans to implement these changes starting May 1, 2007.

1. Adoptive parents must be between the ages of 30 and 50 and married for at least two years in their first marriage or at least five years in a second marriage.

2. No single parents are allowed to adopt from China.

3. Applicants can have no more than a 40 BMI.

4. Applicants can not have taken antipsychotic or antidepressant medications within the last two years.

5. Applicants can not be disabled or have “facial deformities.”

6. Applicants can be no older than 55 to adopt a special needs child.

From the viewpoint of adoptive parents, these new China child adoption rules are very restrictive. However, South Korea has more stringent adoption requirements.

I can see both sides. But as an adoptive parent of a beautiful Chinese daughter, I have to speak up and say the new China child adoption rules can literally mean the death of a lot of forever families in the US and elsewhere.

I know about the research. Children from a two-parent home tend to perform better in school and are more “stable” citizens.

Yet, we’ve all heard the success stories of children of single parents who “make it big” simply because they are the products of those parents’ shear grit and determination to rear responsible human beings. Loretta Scott King comes to mind. She did a marvelous job with her children after Martin Luther King, Jr.’s death.

I must say that when we adopted our daughter, we approached it with our noses in the air. We were settled in our marriage and our professions. Our health was good, and we did not have any “deformities,” mental or otherwise. We met all the China child adoption rules. We were the parents China now wants for its children.

But when we walked among the rows of languishing babies in our daughter’s orphanage, we were humbled. Those children needed love from any and all who were willing to give it to them.

What right was it of mine to say a single parent couldn’t give that love and stability as well as we could? What right did I have to say a parent with a BMI of 40 or greater wouldn't outlive me and see his or her daughter married with a family of her own?

What if someone needs to take antidepressants or anxiety medications to help them with a legitimate condition? And I still haven’t found a clear definition of “facial deformities.” Are all parents supposed to look like Hollywood superstars?

I also have no right to comment on the age limitations. I myself was born to older parents. While I am no rocket scientist or noble peace prize winner, I still think they did a pretty good job with me.

Could my father tackle me when I was 10 years old? No, but he did spend time with me and taught me about business and how to deal with people. Could my mother skate with me when I was 15 years old? No, but I owe my sense of humor and willingness to help others to her. Simply put, my “elderly” parents were the best parents for me.

The looks on the faces of those children left behind in my daughter's orphanage taught me a very important lesson: I didn’t have the right to judge other parents when we adopted my daughter, and I don’t have it now.

But China, and any country for that matter, does have the right to impose the rules it wants on its adoption process. I just hope it exercises the right to change its mind soon about the “ideal” parent and makes the China child adoption rules less restrictive.

Like children, we parents come in many varieties, shapes and sizes. It is and would be a shame to destroy a forever family before it is even born.

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